The Wellness Journal- The Day I Finally Asked Myself: Why Again?

 The Day I Finally Asked Myself: Why Again?

Before we begin, let me say this — what I’m about to share with you today in this Wellness Journal is a very personal part of my life.

Some of it might sound unusual or even hard to believe… but it’s my truth. These are the real experiences I’ve faced — raw and unfiltered.

And I truly feel that maybe, just maybe, these moments from my life might help you reflect on your own journey, or even bring a little light to the parts of you that have been quietly struggling.

There’s a kind of pain that comes from doing something you already know is wrong — and doing it again. And again. And again.

It’s a quiet kind of hurt, one that builds up over time.

And the hardest part?

It’s not the mistake itself — it’s knowing that I was the one causing it.

I knew what I was doing wasn’t right.

It wasn’t right for my health.

It wasn’t right for my family.

And it certainly wasn’t right for my future.

Yet, I kept doing it.

Over and over again.

Each time, I promised myself, “This is the last time.”

But it never was.

At first, I blamed my circumstances. I thought I was just weak.

But eventually, I had to face the truth:

It wasn’t my situation. It wasn’t the people around me.

It was me.

My silence.

My fear.

My inability to face the pain I was hiding from.

And then one day — when I felt completely lost — I asked myself the question I had been avoiding for so long:

“Why again?”

It wasn’t a harsh question. It wasn’t filled with guilt.

It was just real.

And that one moment of honesty changed everything.

I looked back at the pattern — how I kept choosing what was clearly destroying me.

How I allowed temporary comfort to silence long-term pain.

How I ignored the voice inside me until it became nothing but a faint whisper.

The truth is… we don’t break in one big moment.

We lose ourselves little by little.

One excuse. One bad decision. One lie to ourselves at a time.

Until one day, we wake up and don’t recognize who we are anymore.

I’ve lost time I can’t get back. I’ve hurt people I never wanted to hurt.

But worst of all — I hurt myself.

And that’s why I’m writing this.

Not for sympathy.

Not to dramatize anything.

But to own my story.

To say I see it now.

And to say no more.

The day I asked myself, “Why again?”

Was the day I chose to break the cycle.

Not perfectly. Not all at once.

But with one small step: awareness.

Since then, I’ve been learning how healing really works.

It’s not loud.

It’s not instant.

It’s in the quiet, everyday choices —

To do better, even when it’s harder.

To walk away from what hurts, even when it feels familiar.

To rebuild trust with yourself, one small promise at a time.

So, if you’re reading this and you’re stuck in your own cycle…

If you’re tired of going back to the same pain…

If you know deep down that it’s hurting you, but don’t know how to stop —

Start here.

Start by asking yourself the same question I did:

“Why again?”

Don’t run from the answer.

Let it break the silence.

Let it open the door to something better.

Because sometimes, one honest question is all it takes…

To begin again.

Closing Note:

To anyone out there feeling stuck in the same loop, please hear this — you are not weak. You are not broken. The fact that you’re even questioning your patterns shows courage.

You don’t have to have it all figured out to start healing.

You just have to believe that you deserve more — more peace, more clarity, more love.

And you do.

You are worth saving. Even from your own habits.

Be gentle with yourself. Trust the slow steps.

Because it’s never too late to choose differently.